The Best Prank by Oliver Meres

28/05/2011 16:16

graur codrin /

The evil that men do lives on and on.

I’m going to tell you about something that happened to me a long time ago. That, however, does not make it any less important, for it was an important lesson in my life that moved me a lot.


It was back in high school when there was time for everything, fun was made of everything and everyone was happily free-minded. In short, we all were enjoying life as it was and no problems were bothering us, so we had plenty of time to make our own.


I wasn’t extraordinarily handsome, rich or intelligent. I could classify myself as that boring average boy with ‘no interest in the world’. And so I lived my school life full of doing absolutely nothing while doing absolutely everything. I didn’t have many friends among schoolmates. There were party animals getting drunk at least ten times a week and changing girlfriends every two days, then there were study types not knowing what it’s like not to study, and of course ‘alternative’ people, whom no one wanted to part with.


I belonged to none of these groups and thus had no strong life ideology to share with others. But I didn’t mind. I was minding my own business, and from time to time I went out to celebrate whatever we thought was appropriate to celebrate, even when there was nothing to celebrate at all.


I minded my interests, had a few good friends and was averagely successful. That being said, I was the average of the average.


From the said above, it must be obvious that I didn’t look for friends in my schoolmates much. Most of them were nice to have around in school, yet only in school. Any more social contact with them would be utterly redundant for I, along with my circle of friends, knew much more effective ways to waste our time.


Speaking of friends, I was never extremely popular with girls, either. Besides school there was virtually no place to meet new people and the girls at school were…well, most of them belonged either to the partying horde or to the study horde. The few that were left were either taken up or so distant from the mere average I was that it wasn’t even worth trying. But I didn’t mind (Didn’t I say that already? In fact, there were very few things I minded in my life at that time). Not that I wasn’t interested, but as I said – it was either impossible or impossible. So choosing either way led to a catastrophic failure followed by a few weeks of mental convalescence at best.


With this approach and few opportunities it never got far in any relationship, which was only natural and expectable in the given conditions. Then again, it was high school; we were young, dumb, and pretending drinking and sexual hyperactivity at every possible occasion. The social success of a person was directly affected by the number of such opportunities that one was able to successfully turn into a bragging marathon of his or her, boasting of one’s whore adventures and vomit achievements.


The relationships I got into are not worth mentioning because they were both pointless and they sucked balls (not literally, that wouldn’t be that bad, would it?). But one case (or should it be two?) is surely worth mentioning.


As I’ve already said, there were a few girls I would have been interested in if anything, besides no contact with them, was possible, because – these were the ones you don’t even dare to talk to. So I didn’t care. Years passed, and then things started to go weird.


With no reason, one of them started talking to me in the canteen. Not that I needed her to have a reason, it just seemed weird for a girl like her to go chat up someone so disgustingly average. A coincidence, I thought.


The next day we met in the corridor and talked for a good half hour. She even asked if I wanted to go to a party her friend was having that night. Sure, I had nothing to lose so I agreed. The whole thing seemed to stink a bit though. I felt that something was wrong, but I couldn’t get my hands on it.


A week had passed, we spent a considerable amount of time together, and I still didn’t understand it. I put exactly no effort in it, and she seemed to get hooked on me. Indeed, I thought it was weird. My friends considered me paranoid. They told me that I had become so insane that I can’t even recognize a girl having interest in me. Still, I wasn’t able to swallow the whole thing. It was too good to be true.


Anyway, the next week, an even weirder thing happened. Another girl I had never spoken to began to hang around me. Not as often as the first one, true, but anyway, it was a bit strange. Nevertheless, at that time I thought my life had finally changed for better, less boring. And that was naturally something one can be only happy about. Let’s face it – being popular is flattering, no matter what the conditions are.


However, it was not as simple as I thought. The second girl also behaved like she wanted to be more than a friend. I began to think I was imagining things because of limited experience and rich fantasy my twisted mind was able to produce. But it wasn’t me, the others (I trusted) saw it the same.


Then it started to go rough. Both of them were great girls and although I tried to overlook it, I had a decision to make. I couldn’t ‘part’ with either of them and pretend it’s normal. It’s not, and I had to decide. And that’s one hell of a challenge.


It may now sound as if I wasn’t emotionally moved, but these days were one of the hardest ones I have ever had. It took many sleepless nights when, sweating like a beast, my brain was operating at full capacity, yielding no results, as is naturally expected. Days went by, I spent time with both of them rather equally and the downward spiral of decisional insanity was starting to spin faster.


I spent many, many hours talking to close friends, discussing the matter at the utmost level of importance. Obviously, this isn’t a thing a friend can help you with. I had to decide on my own. I’m not going to elaborately explain all the little tiny things I considered when deciding. It’s only understandable that it was an extremely painful and slow process. But I had to come to a conclusion, no matter what.


And so I did, I didn’t know if it was the right decision but I had to make one and I did. The plan was to get together with one of them so the other one would see what I was up to. That way no painful explanations would have to be made.




Things fucked up right after. A friend called me and said he wanted to talk about it. He sounded as if it was important, which made me uncomfortable a bit, because we already had discussed it before. So we met over a beer and he started talking. He said that he knew I didn’t want to hear this, but it was going to get wrong. He said that he had heard from a girlfriend of his, who personally was a close friend of the girls I was after, that it was a prank. A bet, to be exact.


I couldn’t believe it. I finally thought things had turned for better and then this? All this terrorizing thoughts for nothing, leaving me with empty hands and in a state of total mindfuck?


As I got to know, the two girls allegedly had bet who was going to seduce me faster, as I was supposed to be a target easy enough and isolated from their circle not to embarrass themselves in front of others. In short, they were supposed to have a little fun on my account. Nice, isn’t it?


I wanted to get it straight so I went straight to the one I decided for the next day and asked if it was true. It was. I can’t tell what was stronger – embarrassment, anger, depression or plain insanity. I’ll remember it forever. She was standing there with that innocent face, with that ironic mild smile of victory, acting as if nothing serious had happened. “You didn’t believe it was for real, did you?” – she said and chuckled.


I turned around. I said nothing. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was going somewhere far, far away from anyone. I was outraged. More than that, I was disgusted. How could anyone consider a thing like this funny? I had never had much fun with my schoolmates as I have previously mentioned, but I didn’t hate them. Yet after this, I was beginning to. Being so cruel with no reason whatsoever is condemnable at least.


Moreover, they didn’t consider it even a tiny bit bad to do so. They had good fun, which was their primary goal.


It was painful, incredibly painful. I lost a lot at once, but that was not the only thing that bothered me. It was the principle of the whole thing that was the worst. Two girls seducing a good-hearted boy, making him do the hardest decision of his life turned to be nothing more than a prank. A fucking prank.


The worst thing was that despite the fact that in the corner of my mind I knew it all along, I overlooked it, doused this feeling and for a while I really believed it was all true. Obviously, it took me a very long time to get over it and I became even less trustful than I was before, which didn’t help me either. But I don’t regret this happened to me.


It was an important lesson. It made me discover a whole new dimension of fiendishness and evil that people do without thinking of how they can hurt others.


I learned that people can be cynical. So wonderfully cynical.