Our Weekly Ten: 10 Songs for Your Ex

10/04/2013 11:41

... that you should NOT, under any circumstances, sing to him or her. I know there are moments in life, when we’re angry or more like really, really pissed off because life’s not fair, the bus is late again or your former bf/gf has found a replacement. For you who are not there (yet??), this is just some good advice, for those who know what I’m talking about, turn up the volume.

 

Photo: deviantart

 

10 One Way or Another by Blondie

A karaoke classic most lately disgraced by One Direction. Debbie Harry allegedly drew inspiration from her stalker ex-boyfriend. But sure, if you want to be perceived as a stalker, you can totally go for this punk-dancey number.

 

9 Pray for You - Jaron and The Long Road to Love

Now this is interesting. Who would have thought that this sweet boy goes to church only to find out that he should pray for his ex? Smart enough, he prays his own way – he prays for her brakes to go out running down the hill, or a flower pot falling on her head. Okeeey.

 

Photo: cmt.com

 

8 Caught Out There by Kelis

First of all, let’s take a look at Kelis as a fashion visionary, wearing pink dip dyed hair in this video long before it was cool (that is now and a year ago). Then we can all forget how deeply disturbing is seeing her in a straightjacket, yelling ”I hate you so much right now… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!”

 

7 Dedication to My Ex (Miss That) by Lloyd ft. Andre 3000

So singable. But wait! What is that bad language, mister? Talking like this about your ex is a big no-no (that’s why I chose the censured version, duh). Also, I’m always wondering how these girls who have cheated on their boyfriends feel, when they write a song about it and then you hear it on the radio for days on end. Talk about a nightmare.

 

6 Ur So Gay by Katy Perry

This track is surprisingly offensive for a girl like Katy Perry and a risky move since it appeared early on in her career. But it obviously worked. Also a reminder for boys wearing H&M scarves and make-up: you might end up being ridiculed in a pop song.

 

Photo: deviantart.com

 

5 Gold Digger by Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx

I think we all know the Slovak version of this one. Dear world, you should know that the original is SO MUCH BETTER. Not only because the amazing Jamie Foxx is singing. No. The real fun are the lyrics and let me tell you something: if you’re dealing with someone like this, you better get a prenup because “when she leave yo' ass she gon' leave with half“.

 

4 Why Don't You Love Me by Beyoncé

Oh yes, Beyoncé looks fantastic in the video – as always, and she’s talking about how she earns her own money and is independent – as always. The problem is nobody cares how awesome you are when you obviously have the need to rub it in everybody else’s face.

 

3 Jackass by Green Day

Three-chord songs, we’ve missed you on our lists! The reason why you should not sing or play this one aloud is simple: it is definitely not cool to liken loving somebody to suicide.

 

Photo: deviantart.com

 

2 Want U Back by Cher Lloyd

Something for the teens and tweens and all of us who love sugar pop. The story goes like this: she dumped the boy because he had no “game” (a great reason, right?) and now feels jealous because he found another girl. Maybe it was your buzzsaw voice, Cher? Stupid as it is, I have to admit I caught myself singing this hit a few times.

 

1 Don’t cha by The Pussycat Dolls ft Busta Rhymes

Don’t cha was a huge hit and I’m sure everybody loves looking at those girls’ bodies (they truly are a visual pleasure for any man). But seriously? Seducing someone who is already taken? Because he secretly wishes his girl was hot/fun/raw/freak like you? So it’s not classy. Or alright. Or anything.

 

Now, you know what to avoid. Handling situations like this without being a psycho-revengy ex is a way to go. Although everybody is liable to relapse. Just don’t end up somewhere near Guns n Roses’ “I used to love her so I had to kill her”. Please.

Oh, and enjoy your week!

 

Kristína Škovierová